Democracy

“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” (Winston Churchill, 1874—1965)

Our country was invaded, attacked, and weakened. Covid killed more than 800,000 citizens. More die each day.  We failed to coordinate a unified counterattack to Covid, and we responded to this invader with neither common purpose nor common sense.  We argued about vaccines and masks.  For too many, conspiracy theories prevailed.  Rational discourse did not. In the past, we rallied together to defeat the common enemy. This time, we did not. We are more deeply divided now than ever. Our democracy, if not terminally ill, is in desperate need of intensive care. 

When a patient is admitted to the Intensive Care Unit a list of problems is identified.  If democracy is the patient, then here’s a list of the problems:

1)      COMPLACENCY—The apathy of a centrist majority empowers the enraged and disenfranchised few, the right-wing and left-wing zealots, those who would willingly exchange our two-party system of democracy for single-party autocracy.

2)      IGNORANCE—A failing system of public education graduates too many students who are taught too little civics, science, and critical thinking.

3)      TRIBALISM—No longer the melting-pot that honored our commonality, we are a nation of differences; blue and red, black and white, us and them.

4)      MISINFORMATION—Under the protective umbrella of ‘free speech’ lies and falsehoods compete on equal footing with truth.

5)      BUREAUCRACY--Rules, regulations, threat of litigation, and red tape have replaced judgement, discretion, and common sense.

6)      EXCUSES—Blame has replaced leadership and responsibility.

7)      ENTITLEMENT—Civic responsibility is a thing of the past.  We no longer ask, “what I can do for my country.”  Instead, we ask, “what my country can do for me.”

8)      MORAL TURPITUDE—We remain a nation of laws, but no longer a nation of principles. There is no guiding moral compass. Sworn oaths mean nothing. Political careers are guided not by principle, but by the quest for reelection and power.

9)      GREED—Capitalism’s Achilles heel, the accumulation of vast wealth and power by the very few, has led to a declining middle-class and a society of haves and have-nots.

10)  WASTE—National wealth has been squandered and misspent. We are trillions of dollars in debt. 

Whether it be information or misinformation, I read that a significant minority of Americans, 28%, still believe that the last presidential election will be overturned. Some even believe that armed resistance should be used to overthrow the current government.  Biden flounders, Trump lurks in the background, and too few have the courage to fight on behalf of democracy.  

“No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that Democracy is the worst form of Government except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.” Churchill was the defender of democracy in a time of rising fascism.  His words remind me why, despite the daunting list of problems, I pray the patient recovers.

Cheating?

“Cheating is a choice, not a mistake.” (anonymous)

I just got back from a quick trip to Colorado.  I was able to spend one day in the mountains fishing with my brothers-in-law.

On a gorgeous morning, temperature in the 50’s, aspens at the height of their color, we drove to a beautiful little lake.  However, after 3 hours of fly-fishing I had hooked only 3 fish, which was 3 fish more than either of my in-laws. We paused for lunch and shared our frustration.  So, we decided on a plan in order to make sure that the afternoon would be more rewarding

We went to a trout farm off of Interstate-285 and paid to fish. Yes, a trout farm, the kind of place you take your children when you want to guarantee that, for a price, they will catch a fish. The price we negotiated for 2 hours of fly-fishing was not so unreasonable. We agreed to use barbless hooks in order to minimize harm to the fish. We agreed with the owner that we would catch-and-release any of the fish that we hooked. 

For 2 hours we caught (and released) fish after fish, big fish and little fish, rainbow trout and brown trout.  They bit on dry flies. They bit on terrestrials. They bit on nymphs. They bit on streamers. In fact, at one point I got so bored with catching trout that I tried to find a lure that they would not bite.  After unsuccessfully trying half-a-dozen different lures, I finally found the lure that caught no fish. Trout don’t go for hot-pink marabou jigs.  No longer bored, I went back to the business of catching more trout.

When we got home and described our day of fishing, the wives seemed to think that going to the trout farm was cheating, like going to the zoo to hunt for big game.  Assume they were correct.  Assume that catching fish at the trout farm was sort-of cheating.  It doesn’t change the fact that the afternoon was a whole lot more fun than the morning.  So, shame on me, I cheated. Who says that cheaters never prosper?

Interdependence Day (or Parenting the Strong-Willed Child)

A strong-willed child can be oppositional, challenging, and at times exasperating.  Here's my advice to parents of a strong-willed child:

Avoid win/lose battles.  When possible, avoid the attitude of, “I’m going to make you”, which is inevitably followed by your child’s, “Oh no, you’re not.”  Instead, there is a concept I suggest you and your child discuss, the concept of interdependence.  Families are interdependent, “We depend on each other.” 

An engine has many interconnected parts, big and small, but if even a small part is not working properly then the whole engine does not run right. In every family there is work to be done.  Some jobs are bigger, and some are smaller, but everyone has a job and everyone's cooperation is needed.  If one person refuses to do their job, everyone pays a price.  The work is not always fun.  If it was, it wouldn’t be called chores. But the burden is shared. Grown-ups will do their grown-up chores.  Children will do theirs according to age and ability.  The expectation is to help one another.  That’s fair. That’s what families are supposed to do. That’s interdependence.

When your strong-willed child misbehaves, and they will, you may find yourself reflexively pondering the next punishment.  Frankly, I’ve never been particularly impressed with the benefits of spanking, grounding, or other creative punishments.  I’ve never yet seen the child who, as a result of their punishment, had a sudden epiphany, saw the light, and changed their ways.

An overly punished child is a discouraged child. Whereas the child who misbehaves needs to be encouraged to do better. The over-arching goal is that your child learns from mistakes. Misbehavior is an opportunity for you to teach. Children must learn both to apologize and to repair.   What your child has damaged must be repaired and restored.  What your child has broken must be paid for and replaced. 

Consequences are different than punishments. All behavior has consequences. Add to the discussion of interdependence an example of consequences, the rule of reciprocity.  “If you don’t do your job and make things hard for me and others, then don’t come to me asking for favors.” Conversely, “When you do your part and help out others, I will happily go out of my way to help you.”

Strong-willed children want autonomy.  They resist being told what to do.  They react to your requests as-if each request was a test of wills.  You all must begin to think of your day-to-day interactions not as a tug-of-war, but as a journey together, working hand-in-hand. Remember, that, while your child may disagree with your means you share a common goal, your child’s future success in life.

Make sure you always keep a perspective. Know what matters . . . your child’s character. Know what doesn’t matter . . . the small stuff.  Keep a sense of humor and enjoy your child’s quirks and idiosyncrasies.  Build good memories. Have some fun together.  Be sure to model for your child what you expect from them in return: flexibility, caring, compromise and cooperation.

"We need each other."  "We help each other out." That's what families are supposed to do. That's interdependence.

Redemption

As I understand a Jewish perspective, there is the belief in a messianic age when peace will prevail throughout the land.  This world can be made holy.  Despite all its cruelty and craziness, the world can be redeemed through Tikkun Olam, repairing this broken world.  Furthermore, though everyone is born with both an inclination for good and an inclination for evil, no one is beyond redemption.  Teshuva, re-turning towards good, is always possible. 

The seminal event in the origin of Judaism was the exodus from Egypt, from slavery into freedom, from homelessness into a promised land. Despite all the subsequent history and evidence to the contrary, Judaism has remained essentially optimistic.  There is still hope for this world.

As a Jew I will try to articulate a Christian perspective, as I understand it.  The world is filled with corruption.  Everyone comes into this world in a fallen state of sin.  This world is beyond redemption.  Only through faith in Christ and the grace of God will a select few find salvation in a better world to come.

The seminal event in the origin of Christianity was the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ.  Christianity emerged in a historic time of great cruelty and suffering, symbolized by the cross.  Christianity, to me, appears essentially pessimistic and justifiably so.  The world’s a mess. From a Christian perspective, this corrupt world is just a brief stop before life eternal where many will be damned, and a few will be saved.

I know too little to reflect intelligently on the Muslim, Hindu, or Buddhist perspectives.  But what about the scientific perspective?

As I understand the scientific perspective, words like redemption, salvation, corruption, and sin would not factor into any conversation.  From a religious perspective, these words mean a great deal.  From the scientific perspective these concepts can not be objectively observed and measured, therefore any discussion focusing on these words is not considered meaningful.

From a scientific perspective, there is a belief that science and technology are the pathway to a better world, though it is unclear what that ‘better world’ might look like.  Less suffering, longer life, and survival of our species are some of the goals of science, though it remains unclear whether science and technology will ultimately save us or destroy us. From the scientific perspective, the world will continue on for a few billion years, more or less, with or without us.  We can hope for longer and more comfortable lives, but ultimately our existence or nonexistence is of no matter in an otherwise indifferent universe.

I am trained in science, but I try to resist the spiritual nihilism of the scientific perspective.  In my times of pessimism, I can’t help but think that the Christian perspective may be correct, this world appears to be hopelessly corrupt.  I remain a Jew, but a troubled one. I look around and believe that we have been largely unsuccessful in the task of Tikkun Olam. The world remains broken. Why are we failing?  What must we do better?

Oppositionality

Forget the diagnosis ‘Oppositional Defiant Disorder’, commonly abbreviated to O.D.D.  Dare I say, I find this diagnosis to be 'odd'.  Something’s not quite right, taking childhood rebellious and defiant behavior and turning it into a mental disorder. My office was once filled with very oppositional children . . .  oppositional but otherwise healthy children.

Not all oppositionality is the same. Some oppositionality is found in children who have difficult and irritable temperaments.  About 10% of all children are born with such a difficult temperament.  This is not considered to be abnormal or pathologic, just difficult.  These kids are often edgy, rigid, and inflexible. They adapt poorly to change and inconsistency.

When children have difficult temperaments, parents and teachers should provide a calm, reassuring, and consistent environment.  Occasionally interjecting some fun and humor goes a long way helping these children to interact more positively with the grown-ups.

Some oppositionality occurs in children who are asked to do what they cannot.  Sometimes teachers and parents have expectations that exceed the child’s physical or mental capacity. In response to the miserable, poorly tolerated, and passive state of “I can’t”, these children change their interactions to the in-control and active state of, “I won’t.”

It is unfair, even cruel, to expect children to do what they cannot.  Sometimes expectations have to be revised.  These children should be evaluated and provided supportive services when needed. Parents and teachers need to identify these children’s strengths and assets. Give them opportunities for success, not for additional frustration.

A great deal of oppositionality arises when children interact with authoritarian, obedience-obsessed adults, grown-ups whose over-arching expectation is, “Do as I say.” When obedience is demanded, a child has only two choices, to obey or to disobey. Many choose the latter.

When obedience is demanded, it can lead to a test of wills. “Do as I say.” “You can’t make me.”  “Oh yes I can.”  Oh no you can’t.”  This is a win/lose battle.  The problem is, in the long run, the child will always lose.  If the child wins the battle, then defiance is rewarded, and the behavior escalates.  If the child loses the battle, they do so with accumulating resentment. No one likes to lose and, in the future, they will learn to fight the battles longer and harder.

It’s not always easy, but authoritarian adults need to learn alternatives to win/lose interactions.  The absolutes should be few in number:  no hitting, no stealing, no running into the street, etc.  But battles need not be fought over the small things.  If a child wants to wear plaid and stripes together, so what? Let ‘em.

Some degree of oppositionality is developmentally normal.  Children challenge rules and boundaries, especially with their parents.  A child who is oppositional around the house but goes out into the world and interacts appropriately with teachers and other adults, is of far less concern than a child who acts defiantly outside of the home.

Some degree of oppositionality is even normal in adults.  Matter of fact, I’ve been called oppositional, but I’m not.

Modernism

 “In the varied topography of professional practice, there is a high, hard ground where practitioners can make effective use of research-based theory and technique, and there is a swampy lowland where situations are confusing “messes” incapable of technical solution.  The difficulty is that the problems of the high ground, however great their technical interest, are often relatively unimportant to clients or to the larger society, while in the swamp are problems of greatest human concern.”  (Donald Schon, 1930--1997)

Modernism, the prominent philosophic movement of the late 19^th and early 20^th century, embraced the promise of science and technology.  Science was believed to be the path to all meaningful knowledge.  Technology was believed to be the means to a better world for all.

In the day-to-day ethos of Western European culture, Modernism largely displaced religion, leading the German philosopher Nietzsche to pronounce that, “God is dead.”  The existentialist Nietzsche, though an avowed atheist, did not declare God’s death with joy, but with trepidation.  With the collapse of traditional religious values, he anticipated a great void, a void that science and technology could not fill.

Then came the horrors of a modernized 20^th century: two world wars, genocide, nuclear weapons, and environmental devastation on a global scale.  The world felt the void that Nietzsche had feared and prophesized.

For most of my career I worked in an academic, science-oriented milieu. Where I worked was committed to the values of Modernism, devoted to the belief that a better world, including better mental health, would come from science, research, and applied technology.

During my career as a child psychiatrist, I witnessed an exponential increase in scientific knowledge about the brain, about genetics, and about mental illness.  Some of what we learned was of great importance. We learned that autism is not caused by cold and rejecting parents.  We learned that schizophrenia is not caused by double-bind communication and schizophrenogenic parents.

However, along with the increased knowledge came an increased number of possible diagnoses and an increased number of children being diagnosed.  Unfortunately, a diagnosis doesn't necessarily translate to a better life.  It used to be rare to have 1 or 2 children in a school on Ritalin.  Now it is common to have 1 or 2 children in a classroom on stimulants or other psychotropic medications.

ADHD, autism, gender confusion, depression and suicide, drugs and alcohol, trauma and abuse; despite increased scientific knowledge the mental health challenges for children have only gotten worse. But why?

Modernism has fallen short of its promise. Science alone is not enough.  There is a piece missing. There is a game in academia called, "publish or perish." But much that gets published in the professional journals, though sounding quite erudite, is in reality quite trivial. Too much science and research pursues technical minutiae, all the while failing to wade into the "swampy lowland where situations are confusing." However, before we can discover better solutions, we must first learn to ask better questions, questions that address the "problems of greatest human concern."