Enablers

In the jargon of family therapy, the word “enabler” has a special meaning.  An enabler is the family member who assumes responsibility on behalf an under-functioning, often addicted, other. The enabler rescues the other from the consequences of bad behavior. The enabler makes excuses on behalf of the other. There may be a little nagging every now and then, but really the enabler demands and expects very little from the other. Understandably, the enabled other willingly accepts this all-too-comfortable arrangement.

The actions of the enabler imply, “Since you aren’t functioning, I will do for you.”  The enabler conveys the covert message, “You are incompetent and irresponsible. You need me!”  An enabler and the enabled other enter into a mutual pact that inadvertently, but effectively, stifles incentive to change and to grow.  The resulting relationship is not one of mutuality and shared responsibility.  The relationship is instead a self-perpetuating cycle of dysfunction, dependency and codependency.

Enablers are not only found in the context of families.  As I see it, for many, government has become the great enabler.

Almost sixty years ago, the nation was thrilled by the inaugural speech of newly elected president John F. Kennedy.  Every grown-up and child knew the words, “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what you can do for your country.”  No such words, not even tepid approximations, are heard from current leaders and politicians.  None would dare to do so.  Instead, amidst an ethos of entitlement, we hear over and over ludicrous promises of massive government handouts, while simultaneously ignoring a ballooning national debt, a crumbling infrastructure, international nuclear proliferation, threats of cyber-warfare and catastrophic man-made climate change.

For a democracy to function there must be an expectation for personal, and not just governmental, competence and responsibility.  I don’t want to see our country led by enablers who feel compelled to function on behalf of an under-functioning populace.  In the election year to come, I will not vote for a candidate who speaks only about “what your country can do for you.”  I will listen for a leader who speaks to us, rich and poor alike, as “my fellow Americans,” and who like President Kennedy will call us to task, asking us to consider what we must all do as competent and responsible citizens for the sake of our endangered country.