Killing Time

“. . . life never ceases to offer us a meaning up to its last moment, up to our last breath.”  (Viktor Frankl, 1905—1997)

I have met too many young people who see no meaning or purpose to their lives.  They have no goals, no dreams, no aspirations. So, they fill their hours and days in mindless escapism.  They don’t look at the world with curiosity and wonder.  They barely glance up from their electronic screens.  They are not motivated to learn.  They seek to be entertained.  They don’t experience life as a great quest and adventure.  They seek escape from life’s challenges and responsibilities.  They don’t feel an obligation to others or a connection to a greater whole.  They seek release from boredom.  They don’t tolerate delayed gratification.  What they want, they want now.  This existential crisis, this crisis of meaninglessness, has no official diagnosis but it is real.

These youths came to my office for a variety of reasons.  Some were seen because of school problems or behavioral problems.  Some were seen because they were using drugs and alcohol.  Some came with suicidal threats or self-inflicted cuts, cutting usually for the purpose of feeling something, anything.  What all of them shared in common was boredom, emptiness, irritability and despair.

What happens to them?  Some continue on, numb to their existence in this world, living without goals, immersed in escapism, fleeing boredom and trying unsuccessfully to fill the emptiness.  Some become overwhelmed with their emptiness and despair.  I think that this group explains, in part, the rising incidence of suicide in youth.  Some, seeking to find purpose and meaning, will be seduced on-line by marginalized or radicalized groups offering acceptance, belonging, and a ‘worthy’ cause to fight for.

There are some who will successfully escape from their existential emptiness and find a meaningful pathway.  Often this happens with the support of a caring parent, mentor, teacher or therapist.  A well-known existential therapist, Irving Yalom, believed that the key word for success is ‘engagement’.  These young people must put aside their world of trivial pursuits and become engaged in constructive and creative activities.  These young people need to become engaged with others and to become engaged in service to others. They need a dream, a vision of their future, goals, high aspirations, and a plan. They need the support of grown-ups who are empathic to challenges but unaccepting of excuses.  Change is hard, but it is possible. Life becomes purposeful and meaningful when life is filled with important and meaningful pursuits.

From the vantage point of an older adult who appreciates the value time, I see that there is so much at stake. To those for whom life has no meaning, time is expendable, something to be killed.  But if life is filled with meaning, and I believe it is, then time is a precious gift and killing time a tragic waste.  I have met too many young people who are getting away with murder.