Trump's Presidential Library

“I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters.” (Donald J. Trump, 45^th president of the United States)

Now that midterm elections are over, it would be a good time for Trump to retire from politics and begin planning for the future Donald J. Trump Presidential Library. Unlike most libraries, it will contain very few books, but there will need to be room for lots of papers scattered about, some marked ‘TOP SECRET’, some marked ‘golf scorecard’.

One wing of the library should be dedicated to all things News. There should be a ‘really beautiful news’ exhibit, brought to you by FOX News, featuring informative rants from Laura Ingraham and Tucker Carlson. There should be an exhibit of ‘fake news’, showing all the news clips trying to convince us of the seriousness of Covid and of the impending disaster fake scientists call global warming.  The news wing of the library will also need a link to current news, specifically the Courtroom Channel, to keep visitors apprised of the latest charges and suits that continue to plague this most unjustly persecuted ex-president.

Like the Lincoln library in Springfield, Illinois there should be a holographic display of President Trump, perhaps sitting at his desk in the Oval Office. There, we could watch a parade of Trump hirings file in to see the president: Jeff Sessions, Rex Tillerson, Anthony Scaramucci, John Bolten.  We could watch and listen as President Trump informs them with the words that made him a legend, “You're Fired!”

The library should have a gallery honoring all of the brave and heroic public servants that made President Trump a possibility.  It must include busts of Josh Hawley, Ted Cruz, Kevin McCarthy, Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, and so many more.  At the end of the hall should be a life-size tribute to President Trump’s second-in-command, his right-hand man, Mike “hang-‘em-high” Pence.

The library should include activities for kids. I suggest encouraging them to play the Nickname Game.  President Trump was very good at creating inventive nicknames.  Who can forget “Little Marco”, “Crooked Hillary”, “Crazy Bernie”, “Sleepy Joe”, and of course “Pocahontas”?  Personally, my favorite is the recent “Ron DeSanctimonious”.  Yes kids, here’s your chance to be presidential.  See what creative nicknames you can invent.

Restrooms will need to be designed carefully and include spaces for Men, Women, and Documents.  Signs will be posted, “Remember to flush”.

Of course, any visit to a presidential library must include a visit to the gift shop.  Shop for all your MAGA apparel. For your next party you might want a game of pin-the-tail on the RINOs.  You could add a Marjorie Taylor Green or Lauren Boebert bobble head doll to your collection.  What young white boy wouldn’t love to own a Proud Boy’s action figure doll, complete with body armor and assault rifle.  And for those grown-ups worn out from their long day at the library, they can purchase their own My Pillow.

On your way out, don’t forget to grab a complimentary cup of Kool-Aid.  Just be careful what you drink.