Cremation?

To be buried or to be cremated?  That is the question . . . my question.  For my parents and grandparents there was no question and there was no choice.  They were buried according to tradition, next to family, in inherited plots.  However, I do have a choice. 

The funeral industry is a rip-off.  I witnessed this while burying my parents.  It began while I was in mourning, being led through a showroom of over-priced coffins.  And then came the additional mandatory expenses for body preparation, clergy, funeral procession, and cemetery costs.  There was no time for comparative shopping or bargain hunting. It cost a small fortune, and for what?  I resolved then and there not to support that industry.

I will break with tradition and be cremated. Cremation just sounds cheaper and simpler . . . maybe. What happens to the ashes?  Are they kept in an urn?  Is the urn buried or kept on the mantle?  Do Sue and I each get our own urn, or do we get a single urn and mix our ashes together?  Do our ashes get divided evenly among the kids?  Or do our ashes get spread, and if so, where? 

There are more choices available.  Ashes can be transformed into art.  If I so choose, my ashes can be made into a lovely marble, a decorative paper weight, or a blown glass ornament.

I just found out that I can be cremated by fire or cremated by water.  Yes, there is something called ‘water cremation’, more technically known as alkaline hydrolysis which is advertised as safe and environmentally friendly.  Your body is placed in a chemical solvent, which is then heated and pressurized.  In 3 to 4 hours your body dissolves, leaving a fine white ash, boney remnants, and a soapy, smelly liquid (which is discarded).  Water cremation uses 1/7^th of the total energy of traditional cremation, but it is only legal in 8 states, Kansas being one of them.

My great grandparents are buried in Kansas City.  I recently visited the cemetery and found the headstones of Abraham (d. 1939) and Minnie (d. 1934) Boxer, my ancestors, my grandchildren’s great-great-great grandparents.  I was deeply moved, and now I’m also deeply ambivalent.  Burial or cremation? I’m back to undecided.

Perhaps burial wouldn’t be so bad.  I can keep costs down by using a simple pine coffin.  There is even an option to be buried in a burlap sack, so that my decomposing corpse can fertilize the plants above.  If it so happens that I’m buried under an apple tree, the grandkids can visit in the Fall, pick the fruit, and take a bite of grandpa. Or perhaps they’d prefer Granny Smith?

If I do decide to be buried, I’ll need to purchase a couple of cemetery plots soon.  I want to be a smart shopper, find two plots with a good view, on a hill with good drainage and good neighbors.  I want to rest eternally on firm, or extra firm soil.  I’m hoping I can buy two plots BOGO, or perhaps use my coupons from Bed, Bath, & (especially) Beyond.