Existential Angst

It’s been another long, strange and stressful week.  There are more to come. While I am hopeful that “this too shall pass”, I am trying to prepare myself emotionally and physically for what I anticipate will be a very difficult next few months.  The news is bad.  Though most will survive this plague, far too many will not. 

Before there was Covid, I took much for granted.  I never thought twice about going to the barber or going out to eat.  No more.  Now it’s home haircuts and home cooking.  It used to be easy going grocery shopping.  No more.  Now, our food is delivered and before it comes through the door it is wiped down and disinfected.  I never worried about spending an afternoon at the lake fishing.  No more.  It’s not worth it.  I’m too busy watching everybody else at the lake, hoping they don’t spit, cough, or violate my six-foot space.

The days have a different pace, a much slower pace.  I have lots of time to read and to write, but so far, I’ve really done very little of either. Humorous memes shared by friends and family are a welcome relief from the day’s routine.  Calls from the kids and grandkids are another welcome respite from the long hours, but the calls are bittersweet, reminders of our forced separation and reminders that they too are feeling the vulnerability.

To pass the time, my wife and I are doing something we haven’t done for thirty years, a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.  Altogether, I would guess we’ve put together 300 of the pieces. 700 to go.  We’ve got plenty of time to get it done.  There is something immensely therapeutic about transforming the chaos of 1,000 random pieces into a complete coherent picture, no matter how long or how difficult.

Next week, via Zoom, I'll resume teaching philosophy to the psychiatry residents.  Given what’s going on, the topic will be Existentialism.  One principle of existentialism is freedom, the freedom to choose the attitude with which we face our circumstances.  Another principle of existentialism is meaning, our potential to live authentic and meaningful lives.  However, the core of existentialism and the source of existential angst, is the inescapable reality of mortality.  Our lives are fragile, and our days are few.  And should we happen to forget this inconvenient truth, we need only turn on the news.

I often think about a joke told to me by a friend back in Junior High, a joke I now think of as Existentialism 101.  A wise man was asked by his young pupil, “Tell me father, what is the death rate in this part of the country?”  The wise man did not answer right away, but instead consulted books of ancient lore and wisdom.  Finally, after several weeks of study and contemplation he returned to his pupil.  “Son, the death rate in this part of the country is one per person.”